Today I’ll be going in for treatment number 11 and for the first time ever, I feel ok about going to chemo. I only have two treatments left and because the finish line finally feels like it’s in sight, I’m ready to power through them. The faster we can get chemo started today, the faster I can say that I only have ONE TO GO.
Normally the mornings before treatment come with a lot of anxiety, nervousness, and butterflies in my stomach. As stupid as it sounds, there have been many times that I’ve wished I would get really sick so that I wouldn’t have to go through chemo that week. The one time I actually had a shot at getting out of chemo was when my medi-port wasn’t working correctly. The nurses tried everything to get the blockage in my port cleared and they finally said they were out of options. I secretly was ecstatic. Just when I thought I was home free, they got the “ok” from my doctor to administer my chemo drugs through an IV in my arm. I was devastated at the time, but today I’m thankful for my persistent nurses.
I did have to postpone other treatments on two separate occasions though. After my 4th and 9th treatment, I was at a place both mentally and physically, where I felt like my body just couldn’t handle anymore. My doctor and I both decided that it’s best to push each of those treatments back a week. That means that had all of my treatments gone as scheduled, I’d be on my very last treatment today. As nice as that would be, I don’t regret how any of it happened. I remind people all the time now that we need to be better about listening to our bodies and that’s exactly what I was doing.
I’m ready to walk into my treatment center and tackle number 11. I hope it goes better than my last few have gone and I’m staying optimistic about it. The mental aspect of all of this is sometimes the hardest to deal with, but today I feel like I have it under control.
I’ll post another update when I can, but for now, it’s time to go kill some cancer!